Communication’s the most important thing in relationships. H cheated on me in the past and we broke things off, but the best decision I’ve ever made is to talk things out when it happened again.
One of the biggest things we talked about was the definition of cheating. Was it only cheating if penetration was involved? Was it only cheating if there was risk involved—if she didn’t use a condom or felt feelings for the person? Was it only cheating if she knew that it would hurt me?
And what if it was something we both wanted? If I wasn’t hurt, if I knew and told her it was okay, was it still cheating?
We’ve talked and accepted one thing: no matter if it’s cheating or not, it’s what turns us on. And that, beyond all labels, is personal. It’s what we want, it’s what works for us, and only our opinions should matter.
And if the hurt or risk ever becomes too much, and one of us wants to stop, then we’ll talk about it. Even as our relationship evolves, we talk. We’re human, we need reassurance.
As I said, communication’s the most important. Especially when you’re talking about the most important person in your life—the one you love.
God…. love this couple! :)
After my post on me being mean to M I thought I’d make another one with an idea M talked with me about last night.
He thinks on some level unconsciously (aside from or in addition to how much he might be a masochist and how much I might be a sadist) that all of this might be an act of love. In his words I “test how much he loves me” which is something very few other couples ever do.
And I think I agree. How much can you say you truly love your partner if they’ve never cheated on you? How much can you say you truly love your partner if you’ve never given them to the freedom to fuck other people or even fall in love with them? If they come back to you after all of that then it’s a concrete way of knowing your love is forever, and that is not something most normal couples can know. If you don’t explore those things with the person you love without guilt or societal pressures to stop or do the opposite, then how can you know you don’t enjoy them? And how can you say your partner is the best thing ever if you’ve never explored those other things at the height of their enjoyability?
I think it’s something a lot of people need to think about. And I think it’s something that describes us so well. We love each other and we’re willing to test that to any extent in both fantasy and reality.
Just one more reason I absolutely love this couple….
I’ve hurt M. I let him watch as I fell in love with someone else in high school. I drove him crazy when we talked and I made him listen about guy after guy I slept with. I broke his heart when I cheated on him.
Sometimes I think he’s a masochist. He gets turned on whenever I mention those things. Whenever we play with fantasies of jealousy or other men taking me from him or me choosing other men over him, it gets him hard in a way no other playing can. He’s told me he’s spent every night since he met me either yearning for me or crying over me and masturbating to the thought of me and other men, and I don’t doubt it.
Sometimes I think I’m a sadist. Sometimes I go too far when I tease him. I tell him I’m going to make his past fantasies come true. I tell him I’m going to go out and sleep with a stranger. I tell him I’m going to fuck around unprotected. I tell him I’m going to start seeing my ex again but not tell him about it. I tell him I’m going to fall in love with someone and never let him inside me again…
Maybe it’s mean. But it turns him on like nothing else and it does the same for me. And I don’t know if it’s despite everything I’ve done or because of everything I do for him but he’s the sweetest, kindest, most loving person I’ve ever met. He says he’s a better person because of me and I feel the same way about him. We’re closer than ever because of cuckolding. I truly love him.
And so last night I promised him something… We both want this so it’s going to happen. I’m going to get back into contact with my ex today. I’m going to tell him about my relationship with M and what we both want from him. He’ll need to respect our love and relationship but I’m going to let him know how far we’re okay with it going. I know him. He’ll love it just as much as we will.
I couldn’t NOT reblog this. So honest!!
We just got an ask from a tumblr-er who wishes to remain private, so we’ll answer it in a post instead.
The person asked what kind of relationship we have, and to give a word to describe it in a set term, or to make up one if we found none appropriate.
Our answer is as follows:
We don’t know.
There are a ton of words out there, but our arrangement is rather fluid (we created the blog to explore and push, after all) and labels usually have specific connotations which may or may not apply to us in one or another circumstance.
Okay. Seriously? This has got to be the cutest, most amazing couple I’ve seen, in forever. My boyfriend and I talk, and we communicate and play in the bedroom with teasing, and everything, but I don’t think we’ve ever put things into words this well….
My biggest, scariest, craziest, most excitement-producing, most anxiety-provoking fantasy. (H risking pregnancy would be my second biggest, and vice versa for her, at least in terms of how they make us feel.) It’s something we’ve talked about since we started discussing open relationships, despite only talking about it as a serious possibility for the past few months.
She loves teasing me with it, and I love how she gets when she does. As I wrote this in fact, she kissed and stroked and grinned. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have her in my life.
Sometimes I do wonder, what would have happened if I kept seeing Logan. If my boyfriend and I could have talked things out like this, and if it didn’t happen so quickly, or if it was something we had gone through before, so we’d know how to handle it, or do it.
This is an actual game my darling M came up with which he has begged me to do for real… I’m not sure I could but I tingle all over at the thought of it. And all I can do is tease him with it…
I might have to do it. He’s been such a good little cucky sweetheart lately. I love him so much.
Oh. My. God. What a devilish game…
"Are you still seeing your boyfriend’s workmate?"
- Not lately. I stopped for a number of reasons (which I’m going to keep to myself), but I might be seeing one or two people in the meantime…
"Can we see a picture of your face?"
- I’ve said it a million times… but, no.
"I have this fantasy of taking you on a vacation and dressing you up in slutty outfits for the locals to see… I’d make you dance, go out with me, etc. and send photos to your bf at home. I’d make sure that every man who saw you wanted you and ever woman wanted to be you."
(the comment was much longer than that)
- You, sir, have made me blush! Thank you! I don’t think I’d ever agree to that in reality, because I really would need my boyfriend, or someone like Logan, who I could actually feel that way with/for.. but all is fair in fantasy, right?
"Would you fuck me if you ever came to South Africa?"
- Uhh… is there anything in South Africa worth seeing besides you? (By which, I mean 99.9% I’m not ever going to Africa.)
"I hope this isn’t too much information but the first two times I read posts from it I actually came without even touching myself at all. Your boyfriend is so lucky. :)"
- Thanks! That’s quite flattering! But, you probably shouldn’t make it an every day thing. Go out and find yourself a girlfriend if that’s what you want out of life! :)
"How long do you like sex (penetration) to last? And how big of a lover?"
- I like it to last however long it takes for me to be satisfied. Sometimes that can be ten minutes, and sometimes it can be ten hours (with breaks in between, of course!). When it comes to size, it’s the same thing. For instance, my boyfriend isn’t big, but when I’m in the mood to make love with him, for a short time or for a long time just cuddling, there’s no one else I’d have besides him. But, when I want to be fucked, for to feel something really intense and just lose track of time, I need other men.
"Do you do things with other guys often?"
- This is a question I get a lot of the time, and I always dread answering. First of all, you have to define “things” and “guys”. I make love with and sleep with my boyfriend. And I fuck men sometimes. Not “boys” or “guys”, but men who have the attitude and power to take what they want. I don’t really want anyone or anything else.
"I agreed to let my gf be open while I stay faithful. She now has a lover and some ex bfs who take care of her needs. She’s sweeter now and is honest about everything so our relationship works well except she dates others. Does this make me a cuckold? She says it’s perfect"
- That’s kind of how our relationship evolved, too. We became closer because we opened things and trusted each other more. The communication also really brought us closer. It doesn’t necessarily make you a cuckold (the actual word cuckold means that she is cheating on you and humiliating you, etc.) it just means you have a half-open relationship. Don’t get caught up on terms unless you enjoy them, and always be sure to talk about things because that’s how you figure out your limits, turn on’s, etc.
"Does that coworker know your boyfriend knows?"
- Nope. He never found out, and simply thought I was cheating. I ended things with him though, and told him I just wanted to try something new for a while.
"Do you think black men look at white girls only as breeders?"
- No. I think that’s something that maybe some particular men might do, but not ALL black men, or ALL people of any group out there. A lot of the internet is just fantasy, and a lot of women like me don’t actually want to get pregnant.
"My question to you is, if these attitudes that you spoke of were completely non-existent, and an entire generation of white women such as yourself were to grow up in a prejudice-free culture with no fears whatsoever, might North America and perhaps the world as a whole look a lot like many of the pictures you’ve been posting on this blog all these months?"
- First of all, that is a BIG, LONG question, and it would take a bunch of smarter people than me to give you a good answer. But, I there definitely is racism in some parts of some countries and because of that, a lot of girls just grow up thinking they would die of guilt and shame if they ever even kissed someone of another race. But, thankfully, times are changing, and I think there is a certain quality that a lot of black men have that white women find attractive. But, I can’t speak for everyone, so…
"Do you ever talk with your boyfriend about what it would be like if you were with Logan again or if Logan got you pregnant?"
- We talk about it a few times a month, actually. But it’s mostly teasing. It really turns both of us on, although, as of right now it’s just fantasy bedroom play. We don’t plan on starting a family until we’re much older.
"Do you ever fantasize about Logan getting you pregnant?"
It was a big fantasy while I was with him… But, I haven’t seen him in months, so I don’t plan on that happening anytime soon.
"OMG I saw your posts! Are you pregnant!?"
"Do you ever think you could love both your boyfriend and Logan at the same time? Would you ever try polyamory?"
- Polyamory is definitely something I considered when I felt that way about Logan (it’s also something I talked about with two people here on tumblr, both are couples and one is a couple I’ll mention at the end of this blog, because they’re thinking about it themselves). I’m really glad to have one person’s advice in particular, though. She told me you can love one person and feel a lot of emotional intimacy with another, and both of those can benefit you in the bedroom. But, only the person who you can’t live without is the person you love (as opposed to being infatuated with, etc.) and for me, that person is my boyfriend, and always will be :)
"Why haven’t you been posting lately?"
- First of all, I’ve been quite busy, and secondly this is a blog for myself, about myself. I do this to explore and talk, not just as some fantasy material for someone to jerk off to.
And, for anyone who does want super sexy captions or anything, just go read stories on Literotica or something (or read what is still my favourite tumblr author, darkrelations, even though he hasn’t posted in forever)
For the cuckolds especially: http://darkrelations.tumblr.com/post/57476928675/she-made-sure-his-hands-were-tied-then-she
Or if you want captions, there are a ton of them. Just google “cuckold captions tumblr” and you’ll find a ton, or visit a really nice couple who just started blogging captions:
They’re thinking about trying and experimenting with new things lately, and I’m really interested in seeing what they’re going to decide to do. They’re a couple just like me and my boyfriend, except they’re super cute because they blog together! :)
Anyways, that’s all for now. Take care everyone!